Mourning Sugar

It’s a funny thing.  As I “gear up” to make this switch into a Sugar-Free life for 2 weeks (see previous blog post), I am surprised by a particular feeling.  I am NOT surprised by the “gearing-up” mode that is classic before beginning a change in diet.  Those feelings are old as father time; hope, excitement and the looking back at my silly “old self” and happy to let go of her silly old behaviors.  What is also feeling familiar is the temptation to eat sugar while I can, also classic dieter’s thinking, yes?  In recent years I have stepped away from dieting and so the dieter’s thinking feels dusty (thank God!). 

But, I digress.  The surprising emotion here is sadness.  I realized it was there this morning and it gave me pause.  I see that the sadness is about choosing to let go of the thing that I have used for a few years (and probably more than that) to be sweet to myself.  It was the treat that I got mid-afternoon towards the end of a busy day of work and it was the sweetness that I could look forward to once my toddler was in bed and the dishes were done and my email inbox was taken care of.  I am giving those up.  Sigh. 

So...this is really interesting to me – I am mourning the loss of sugar, because I associate it with being something just for me, my treat.  Huh.  Further proof that I cannot simply cut the sugar out, but rather I will need to find another way of being sweet to myself.  With this clarity in mind I am going to make a plan for day one without sugar, which for me is this Sunday.    I am not eating sugar on Sunday, instead I am scheduling a quiet bath with my novel in hand.  This is a day my husband will be home, so I know I can count on him to hang with our daughter while I do this sweet thing for myself.  It’s no accident this challenge begins on Valentines Day.